A new year!
Honestly...I'm quite happy to leave 2009 behind. It was sort of a rough year for me. It started with 3 LLLLOOOONNNNNGGGG months of bed rest because of my pregnancy with Maggie. There were the repercussions of said bed rest that I have been dealing with all year. (clutter stashes, disorganization, kids off schedule, behavior in the kids that was overlooked and not dealt with, etc.) And, as with any newborn, the adjustment to what the new "normal" is, sleep deprivation, and exhaustion.
Then, in the beginning of summer an unresolved situation from years and years ago hit me smack in the face out of nowhere. The saying, "Time heals all wounds" is a bunch of bologna! It hurt as much in June of 2009, as it did in 1995.
There have been lots of challenging relationships, major health issues, big decisions to make, overcommitment, unclear boundaries, financial stress, strain on my marriage, unruly kids, and I could go on and on. I quite honestly have been in a funk the majority of the year. I know, I know! I know it's ordinary life stuff. As one country singer, Darryl Worley so eloquently put it, "Sounds Like Life To Me." I know it's not the end of the world, I know I'm not caught up in some tragedy, it just has seemed like my normally organized life has been spinning out of control, and dang it...I haven't liked it or enjoyed it at all!!!
Here's where I am going to be intrepidly real with you....I have been looking at all of the "stuff" (and that is precisely what it is...just "stuff."), through humanely skewed vision. Unfortunately, more often than not, I look at the hand that is being dealt to me as a punishment of some sort and often ask "what in the world did I do to possibly deserve this?" I've honored my parents, I've been serving the Lord in full time ministry, I've been faithful and submissive to my husband, I've tried my best to be a good steward of the children the Lord has given me, I've been selfless with my time and possessions, I've been frugal and wise with my money, and the list could go on. So, WHY? Why is God punishing me? If I'm doing all of this and He's punishing me, I couldn't ever make Him happy! Does God not realize that I'm at my wits end, and could use a little break here? Does God even give a rip about me? I realize that it isn't healthy to always assume I'm in trouble and God is punishing me. Maybe that can be blamed on some sort of residual effect from my youth. Okay, so some of you are probably thinking, "She shouldn't say such things!" Well, I did, and it's my blog! I'm human too, and I'm just keepin' it real like always!
About a week ago we visited my in-laws for the Holidays. After returning home, I began the dreaded unpacking process. As I was unpacking my kids suitcase, I realized that we mistakingly brought home a book that had been stuck amongst the kids toys and books. The book is called When God Winks At You by Squire Rushnell. The caption under the title of the book says, "How God speaks directly to you through the power of coincidence." Naturally, I was a little curious about the book and started reading it. The forward of the book says, "Those extraordinary little events in your life happen for a reason. A coincidence- sometimes a silly little thing, that changes the course of your day...or even your life. Is it chance, is it luck, or is God communicating with you?" The book is full of testimonials of people in my very same shoes....overwhelmed with life, who could very clearly see God in the midst of their circumstances through weird little coincidences. The very first chapter of the book quotes Jeremiah 29:11 "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future." (NCV) and Deuteronomy 7:6 "The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be...his treasured possession." (NIV) WOW! The power of God's word! Those two verses alone brought me to tears. I am a chosen and treasured possession to Him that He isn't trying to hurt, and He is giving me a good future!
Now, normally I don't get all hocus-pocus and read into things in the spiritual realm, but come on now! For this little book about God speaking to us through coincidences to mistakingly make it home with us, for those verses to jump out at me, and for encouragement from others in my shoes....a coincidence? YUP! A God coincidence! So, if you are in my shoes....just overwhelmed with life, I highly recommend this book. It isn't super deep, but it is super reassuring though!
Oh, and here's to 2010 being a little less eventful, and me being a little less in a funk!
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Thanks for the reminder, Julie. I needed the encouragement as I was throwing myself a little pity party last night. :) I'll put the book on my library list. (I have to be frugal with $$ after all.) ;) Here's to 2010!