The day came that we were to begin our housesitting gig.  As we rounded the corner in the road that led to my uncle's house, we were a shocked to see all of the sheep standing in the middle of the road.  This awful panicked feeling came over us, mainly because we had no idea what we were supposed to do about this predicament.  How would we get all of those sheep back in the fenced in area?  

We parked the car, jumped out, and ran towards the barn.  Inside the barn, we scrambled around looking for the closest available object we could use as a weapon/corralling device.  All we were able to find was a couple of brooms, so that is what we grabbed.  I think that we thought that somehow these sheep were going to bite us or charge us, and we were going to be ready for them.  We ran back outside, and decided that the best way to do this was to go way around the group of sheep, and come at them from behind.  So, Ryan went one way, and I went the other.  Once we got around them, we held our brooms up in the air, waved them around, and ran at the herd of sheep, all the while yelling at the top of our lungs.  Well, the poor sheep, were scared out of their minds, and didn't know what to do, so they just started running.  We were attempting to chase them back towards the barn, and through the gate which was wide open.  Seeing as we hadn't discussed our plans with the leader of the sheep, he just ran for all he was worth, and SMACK!  He ran right into the side of the barn.  It completely dazed him and he staggered away bleating in pain, shock, and terror.  The rest of the flock followed their leader, and one by one every single last one of them ran full boar, right into the side of the barn.  Each one of them had the same exact reaction.  They stumbled away dazed, and making this horrid, ear-deafening, bleating noise.  While they were in this state, it was quite easy for us to chase them into the gate where they belonged.  After that whole ordeal was over, Ryan and I laid down on the grass and laughed so hard, I thought I was going to throw up.  I will never forget the thud noise on the side of the barn, and the pathetic look of terror in their eyes as we were chasing them.  

In the days that followed, we realized it is much easier to walk out in front of them, and lead them to where we wanted them to go.  We experienced little resistance from the sheep when we led them.  We realized from that weekend that we were not really designed to be shepherds of sheep, the animal kind.  God had designed us to be a different kind of shepherd.  We learned some very valuable lessons from our experience that weekend with the animals that we have applied to our ministry.

In thinking about ministry and God's design for the church, I find it interesting that a pastor is called a shepherd, and the congregation is called the flock of sheep.  I've been studying sheep and shepherds a lot lately, and am learning so much.  In regards to the shepherd, several things stood out to me as I was studying them.  

1.  The shepherd has the sheep's best interest in mind while he is leading them.  He leads them to rich green pastures, he leads them to cool waters, he makes them stop at the end of the day to rest, he keeps them from danger, etc.  (Psalm 23)  The sheep don't know how to care for themselves.  That is why they need a shepherd.

2.  The shepherd has the equipment needed to do his job.  He is the expert in his field you could say.  He has studied sheep, knows their needs, knows what is best for them, has the appropriate tools on hand that he will need. (rod and staff)

3.  The shepherd LEADS his sheep, instead of chasing and corralling them!

As a pastor's wife, you are also in a pastoral role of leading and shepherding the flock, and it is important to have the equipment and knowledge needed to your job well.  A couple of years ago I  surveyed 62 pastor's wives to more accurately understand how to minister to them. I was very specific with the group of ladies I interviewed.  The criteria was: 1. they had to be pastor's wives (no other kinds of ministries), and 2. They had have been in the United States while serving in their churches.  I did this because I know that this specific group of ladies faces unique challenges, that most people don't recognize.

While I was pondering these thoughts regarding being a pastor's wife, I happened to talk to a friend of mine, Carlos, who is a missions pastor.  He was born and raised in South America.  In his late teens he accepted Christ as his Saviour, and became a missionary.  He traveled around the world for 6 years, and equipped pastors and missionaries with the tools they need to reach their countries. During his time abroad, he met and married his wife, and they moved to the United States.  He took a position at a church as the Missions Pastor.  I found it very interesting that he said that it is harder to be a pastor in the United States, than in most other countries.  I asked him if he had any thoughts on why this is.  He reply was, "Democracy in America has made it difficult for people to accept the pastor's authority.  Everyone wants an equal say and a vote.  They don't view him as an expert in his field."  This statement he made brings me back to the analogy of the shepherd and his sheep. 1.  Just as the Shepherd knows what is best for his sheep to be strong and healthy, so does a pastor with his flock. 2. In the same way that the Shepherd is the expert in his field, so is the pastor with his flock.  God has equipped him to know what needs to be done, and given him the tools to get it done.  Rick Warren once said that, "sometimes as a pastor you feels more like you herding mules, then leading sheep."    With the insight of the difficulty and challenge that the pastor in the United States faces, it is equally as challenging for the pastors wife.  It has it's own set of challenges and blessings.    

In my surveys, I wanted to hear from this very specific group of ladies whose role is often misunderstood and often under-appreciated.  I believe that it is important for a pastor's wife to understand the dangers and challenges she will face in order to do her job well.  Just like a shepherd understand the dangers associated with his job in the fields protecting his sheep.  In the course of doing these surveys,  I was surprised to find that every single one of the 62 ladies said the same exact things, it was just worded a little bit differently each time.  One of the questions I asked in the survey was, "what are some of the biggest challenges you face as a pastor's wife?"  The response to this question was overwhelmingly unanimous.  The top 4 challenges/dangers to a pastor's wife that were mentioned almost every single time are listed in the following:  1.  Unrealistic expectations placed on the pastor and his family,  2.  Criticism,  3.  overworked, underpaid, and under-appreciated,  and 4.  Loneliness.  So, let's take a quick look at each one of these challenges.  

#1.  Unrealistic expectations placed on the pastor and his family

The role and position of the pastor and his family is a tough and confusing one to navigate.  On one hand, you are on this pedestal right next to God.  You are expected to have it all together, have wonderful kids, a wonderful marriage, be at every event, always be reachable by cell-phone, always have the right words of comfort or advice for any given situation, have knock-out sermons every week,  etc.  The pastor and his family are almost seen as mysterious iconic celebrity that people have all of these assumptions and expectations about.  One lady that I surveyed shared a very funny true story with me regarding this very thing.  A little girl named Rachel was 4 years old, and attended church with her grandma.  She had heard her grandma say that the church was God's house.  Rachel had only ever seen the pastor in the church setting, and she just assumed that he lived there.  The next Sunday during the service, the pastor came down the stairs from the pulpit to sit next to his wife in the front row, and Rachel yelled out "Hi God!"  The pastor smiled and said, "Thank you for the compliment, Rachel, but I'm just one of God's servants, I'm not God."  That same year in December, the pastor played Santa Claus at the community bazaar.  After Rachel sat on Santa's lap and told him her wish list for Christmas, she ran over to her grandma and said, "grandma, Santa Claus sounds an awful lot like God!"  The very next summer, the pastor was out on the riding lawnmower, moving the church lawn, and as they passed the church in their car, Rachel turned to her grandma and said, "grandma, I didn't know that God wore shorts!" 

So, you have this dynamic of people wanting you to be perfect, and then on the other hand, treating you just the opposite.  They feel completely comfortable with being disrespectful and critical, they are demanding and needy, and it often feels like they are just waiting for you to mess up.  When your flaws do come out, and you do mess up it seems like they get some sort of pleasure from it.  

#2.   Criticism towards the pastor and his family.  

It is vital to realize right from the start that you will NEVER be able to please everyone.  Criticism goes with the territory in leadership positions.  It is important to keep a realistic big-picture outlook on the situation.  Usually it is the negative critical people that are the loudest and boldest in speaking up.  Keep it in perspective though.  For example:  Let's say you attend a church of 400 people.  About ten of those people are often critical and unsupportive of you and your ministry.  Ten out of 400!  That means that more than likely 390 people are behind you!

A lot of times people will complain and criticize because they don't understand the big picture of the church as a whole.  Going through change and being progressive can really throw some people off.  But like the sheep, the congregation doesn't always understand what they need and what is going to best for them.  The shepherd and his wife need to stay focused and confident even with all of the kicking and screaming some people do.    

When people are being critical I try to look at what they are say from an objective view.  Is there any truth in what they are saying?  If so, take the truth and make necessary changes, and throw the rest of it out.  Also, it helps to take the person into context.  More than likely there are hurts and spiritual needs in their own lives, and you just happen to be the punching bag! Always, always forgive, and go on with your life...don't dwell on it!

Sometimes the criticism is about you...your clothes, your personality, your kids, your driving habits in your car, etc.  Make it your objective to please God, and not man.  Just be yourself!  God has equipped you with your gifts, talents, and personality for a very specific reason.  Just as he as equipped the shepherd to lead.  Don't morph to meet people's expectations.  A fairly recent example of this happened when we first moved to the community we are in now...about seven months ago.  My husband was teaching the lesson for the youthgroup one night, and was just baffled at how unresponsive and dull the kids were during the whole night.  He thought maybe it was because of something he had said or done, and asked one of the consistant youth leaders if this was normal, or if he had done something.  The youth leader then responded that Ryan was "too happy and up" and that this community wasn't used to that, and since they were a "farming community" they respond to a different sort of teaching style better.  This youth leader then in all seriousness, suggested that Ryan be more expressionless, and speak in "calm, hushed tones" so that people would be more apt to listen.  Now, since we've been here a little while and gotten to know the people better, we realize in hind site that the group of kids Ryan was talking to are just dull unresponsive kids and that's all there is to it.  Interestingly enough, I have yet to meet somebody that is a farmer in this community.  My husband being happy and up is just him being him, and the church voted 100 percent to hire him based on him being the way he is.  Should he change how he is to make one person happy?  Absolutely not!

It is important for you to never take on your husband's battles.  If people come to you, complaining about him or his job performance, refer them back to your husband.  Don't try to be the messenger or the go-between.  You don't need that extra stress in your life!

Realize that people's unrealistic expectations and criticism isn't personal.  It is more a angst with God then with you.  A wise person once said, "The mark of a true servant is how one responds when treated like one."   

#3.  Overworked, underpaid, and unappreciated

The pastor's role is unique to any other role because it is a life-style, not a job position.  Every aspect of the pastor's life is touched by the responsibility he has to God for his flock.  This is true for the whole family, not just the pastor.  It is never just a 40 hour a week job, that you leave at work until the weekend is over.  It is 24 hours a day, all year around.  There is no overtime pay included, and seldom are the benefits adequate for the pastor to ever be able to retire, and next to never are things ever comfortable so that you don't have to stress out every time the bills are due.  People can be unrealistic here too.  While most people on salary pay in the country get at least a cost of living raise every year, most pastors don't.  When the church wants to add on to their building, they decide to not give their pastors a raise so that they can make budget.  So, in essence it is often the pastors who are really paying for the new building.  I heard a story while we lived out west, of a situation that happened during pastors appreciation month a few years ago.  A person from the congregation wrote a note and put it in the offering plate.  It was regarding a love offering that was being taken for the pastors to show appreciation for them. The note read something like this, "I know that we have wonderful pastors, and I appreciate them very much.  However, wouldn't it be more meaningful if we took an offering for ______(a specific disaster relief fund) and gave it in honor of our pastors.  The people that would recieve the gift have real needs that could be met with this money."  So, it would actually have been the pastors helping the cause, not the congregation.  If I am going to help a cause, I want to do it because I want to do it, not because it is forced on me!  Thankfully, this idea was not put into action, but that is just an example of how unrealistic some people view their pastors.

Fortunately, money is not why we go into pastoral ministry, otherwise we wouldn't be here!  When times are tight with money and there are lots of uncertainties, look around you, and be thankful for all you do have.  (your health, your family, a roof over your head, etc.)  I have found that when I am one hundred percent faithful to God with my finances, He is lavish and plentiful in His provision and blessings to me and my family.  He has provided in ways I would have never dared to ask Him for, and never dreamt were possible.  I would not change a thing with how much we make with our salary, because I love the surprises of watching God work everything out.  

#4.  Loneliness

   The life of the pastor and his wife is one that just can't be understood at all, unless you have been in their shoes.  Loneliness goes with the territory in any sort of leadership.  In a book called Servant Leadership, Robert Woodruff (the former president of Coca-Cola) states that "True leaders, like eagles, don't flock.  The best leaders have few close friends.  There are two reasons for this:  The first is that building true friendships requires time and attention, of which the driven leader has precious little.  The second reason is that close friendships can bring great complexity to the process of making tough decisions, and the leader know that he or she must maintain and objective viewpoint in order to steer the organization toward success."  

I have found it to be very vital to my survival to have friends outside of the churches we have been in.  I enjoy getting involved in the community through volunteering, and I have many friends that are like-minded in their beliefs, but attend other churches.  I think I gravitate towards seeking those relationships out, because I know that they have no expectations of me other than me just being me.  It is a relief to me to be able to go out with a girlfriend who doesn't have a clue about the drama I'm dealing with at church, and who doesn't expect me to have an answer about some church related question.  She just wants to be with me, because she enjoys me being me.  I have also had the blessing of having many other pastor's wives to talk with, if I need to vent or receive council.  So, my suggestion to you would be to seek out those relationships.  It will be a huge help in survival!

Now that you know and understand the dangers and challenges that await you, it is important to have the necessary equipment to combat those things.  First of all, see your position as a shepherd's wife as a great privilege and honor.  Of all the people in the world, God has chosen YOU to be a leader and a representative of His name.  Secondly, be prepared to face the challenges that you can be certain are awaiting you.  The four biggest attributes that you must have to overcome these challenges in your will be: 1. patience - remember that sheep have their own timetable and they don't always move as fast as you would like them to.  Leading takes more patience than does chasing them and scaring them, and it is far more effective!  2.  perseverance- be unshakeable!  If things don't work out the first time, go back to the drawing board and find another way to do it.  Don't give up!  3. forgiveness- don't give satan a foothold in your life, your marriage, or your ministry by allowing unforgiveness to take root.  4.  love-Just like the shepherd loves his sheep, and puts his own life on the line to protect them, you need to do the same with those you are leading.  Above all, look to the Good Shepherd, Jesus Christ, for wisdom and guidance!