Jewels
In keeping with the spirit of Christmas, Let's talk about
Naughty mouths!!
"Hey Jules,
Thought of you this morning when it was recommended for me to put Tabasco Sauce on my two-year-olds tongue for biting.
If I remember right you and Ryan did/or do that to your kids for lying (right?)...if i'm wrong just disregard this :)
My little guy is a biter. and seriously he just keeps getting worse and more frequent. The first time it happened i reacted so quickly, and probably in the wrong way.. he cried and apologized, but he hasn't stopped. I have paddled him, I have bit him back, I have taken away toys. Seriously, i feel like i've done everything. I'm out of ideas. But, it really needs to stop. I have friends now that won't let their children play with him- and I just can't have that. My mom was the one that thought maybe some Tabasco might do something. So, i'm wondering 2 things. 1- how did you administer the tabasco, and 2- what would you do? have your children ever bitten or been bit? I'm thinking you'll have something up your sleeve that might work.
Thought of you this morning when it was recommended for me to put Tabasco Sauce on my two-year-olds tongue for biting.
If I remember right you and Ryan did/or do that to your kids for lying (right?)...if i'm wrong just disregard this :)
My little guy is a biter. and seriously he just keeps getting worse and more frequent. The first time it happened i reacted so quickly, and probably in the wrong way.. he cried and apologized, but he hasn't stopped. I have paddled him, I have bit him back, I have taken away toys. Seriously, i feel like i've done everything. I'm out of ideas. But, it really needs to stop. I have friends now that won't let their children play with him- and I just can't have that. My mom was the one that thought maybe some Tabasco might do something. So, i'm wondering 2 things. 1- how did you administer the tabasco, and 2- what would you do? have your children ever bitten or been bit? I'm thinking you'll have something up your sleeve that might work.
Thanks!"
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"Julie,
I was wondering if you have any ideas for dealing with a sassy, back-talking toddler. My daughters mouth is just out of control already, and she is only 3! Thanks in advance!"
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I received both of these questions in my e-mail box yesterday. The funny thing is that I use the same form of discipline for both cases! First of all, I just want to reassure both of you girls that asked me those questions, that this is VERY, VERY, typical toddler behavior. Your kids are not horrible menaces! Every child I have ever nannied for, as well as all of my own children have bitten and back-talked!
While is is very typical behavior, it isn't behavior that can continue, and it is always frustrating to try to figure out what form of discipline is going to appeal to your child's heart, and make them change their ways! Both of those behaviors, biting and sassing, are manipulative acts meant to establish dominance over the other person. Manipulation and bullying is never something a parent should overlook or let become a habit.
As for the biting, all three of my oldest kids have been biters, especially the boys. My daughter only bit one particular kid, but numerous times. Unfortunately, that kid was the son of a missionary couple that did parenting seminars and classes. Of all kids for her to bite! I felt like the worst parent in the world, and the parents quite leaving their son in the nursery because of Molly biting him. I still to this day, don't know what caused Molly to bite only Seth, other than the fact that she just plain old didn't like him!
1. Look for a trend with the biting. Is there a trigger cause?
My boys mainly bit each other, their cousins, and my husband and I. They weren't just little bites either, they broke the skin, and left huge bruises! Neither one of my boys communicated very well verbally until the were well over 2 1/2 years old. I started noticing a trend in their biting habits. Usually the bite was preceded by some valiant efforts to communicate. Wether it was asking for juice, trying to get a toy back from another kid that took it from them, etc. They were trying to communicate something to us and we were either misunderstanding them, or ignoring them. Both Luke and Joseph used their biting when they were frustrated, or really trying to get us to pay attention to them.
We also noticed that they only bit the people that they were really familiar with, and those of us that were used to tuning them out. (their cousins, siblings, and my husband and I) After I realized that some of the biting behavior was our fault, I really tried to change our end of it, by paying attention to the non-sensible chattering, grunting, whining, and fussing that I usually would have tuned out. As an experiment, I also talked with the older siblings, cousins, and playmates and told them to give it a try. Sure enough! The biting was greatly diminished!
While we were all in the wrong for ignoring them and tuning them out, it doesn't excuse their wrongful response (biting) and I didn't want to let them establish bullying and hurting other people as a habit, just so they could acknowledged or get their own way.
Every single one of my kids has been sassy too! Since lying, sassing, tattling, biting, whining, and bad words are all sins or behaviors using the same device, the MOUTH, it only seems appropriate that you deal with the MOUTH!
When I was a little girl, putting a soap bar or dish soap in a kids mouth for biting, lying, sassing, bad words, etc. was a pretty standard form of punishment. Now, we all realize that dish soap and bar soap have harmful substances in them, and are not meant to be ingested! They contain phosphates, carcinogens, dye, etc. which are all lethal to the human body. Even if you just have to hold the bar of soap on your tongue without swallowing, you still are absorbing those harmful agents. It only takes 14 seconds for your body to absorb what is touching your skin, and for the substances to reach your bloodstream. I DO NOT recommend this as a form of discipline!
You want to leave a lasting impression on your child, without being abusive or leaving any long term effects! I always explain to the child in question that they were very naughty with their mouth, and THEY need to make better choices. For older children I tell them about how the mouth can do severe, long-lasting damage to people and that it is also one of the hardest things to learn to control. That's a little deep for toddlers, but starting about 4 or 5 they can understand what you are talking about! I then use something that we have called "Cure All."
It is just a nasty concoction of vinegar and tabasco sauce, but it sure has been the "Cure all" for the sins of the mouth!
I use a small baby Tylenol bottle with the dropper in the cap. I fill it with apple cider vinegar, and then add 5 drops of Tabasco to the mix. When the child has lied, bitten, sassed, etc. they get a dropper bull of Cure All in their mouth. Yes, I make them swallow it, and yes I have tried it myself. Apple Cider Vinegar actually has a lot of health benefits, and is an ingestible by-product of a fruit. Tabasco Sauce is also ingestible, and comes from a vegetable, so this is not a risk to their health, and it is not abuse! The Tabasco is diluted so it is not going to burn them, but yet strong enough to leave a lasting impression that their behavior is unacceptable.
It is important to be consistent. Maybe the behavior continues after you have tried the Cure All. You have to keep at it though, and always follow through with the same exact discipline. It took the child some time to establish the bad habit, and it will take them some time to stop the bad habit...just like it is for us as adults! My oldest kids are 9 and almost 7, and they still fear the Cure All!
It is also important to work on the repentance part of the discipline as well. After the discipline has taken place, always have the child apologize and ask for forgiveness from the person that they sinned against. They need to face the music, and make things right with the other person.
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Jules, how many drops of tabasco do you put in the bottle?
BTW- thank you! I love it. I knew you'd have something up your sleeve :) Out comes the Cure All today! They better not be like Stuart though and drink that concoction for fun-haha! He does! he loves both those ingredients and as a kid used to sneak into the pantry to guzzle it. Praying my kids don't inherit that or else you'll have to help me come up with something different :) I'll let you know how we go.
I tried it! The kids call it "that nasty water stuff!" Thanks for sharing that, it's always hard to know what discipline to use, and when. I love how creative you are!